Here I go again!

I read back over the posts I've done and it's amazing how much has happened since then! I have ANOTHER new job with the Highlands County Sheriff's Office, full time nights.  That's been since November. I'm still trying to get used to a night schedule, figure out how to sleep and when but for the most part I've got the job down.

My sister-in-law started a weight loss journey blog! She's hilarious! Fat and almost 60 I finally started again trying to improve my body... just days ago so not much progress but, I am under 200! The ups and downs of life had me in a bad place for even trying, better now so here I go! Goody, goody! ...almost 50 lbs more than when I was 9 months pregnant...

Maybe I'll be back soon. It was interesting reading previous blog posts, from me! Let's see where this goes! Thanks Becky for inspiring me in more ways than one!

TaDa!!!

Well... now I am working! In corrections of all places... for Corizon Correctional Medical Services at South County Jail in Frostproof. Worst thing is that I have to be there 2 mornings a week at 7... ugh, I get up at 5:15... no laughing Lani! I work two 12 hour shifts a week as charge nurse and one 8 hour shift doing physicals. Worked two 12 hour shifts back to back, now today I'm off, until Saturday at 7p when I work another 12! I like this! It is high pressure but not like I thought. It's easy... certainly not rocket science but I do like it. Now, I haven't had any emergencies yet... Oi! That will be the tail of the tape. I'm not sure how I'll manage those but we'll see.

Tomorrow we'll go to Lakeland shopping and hopefully spend some time with family. We just paid off some debt so that is an exceptionally wonderful happening of the day. Now we owe light bill and phone, that kind of thing and that's all. We are most blessed! So while Russell bikes I'll bathe and trim the dog and get in some yoga! It's a great day!

On waiting,...

I've been waiting, waiting for another job... left Balmoral on 8-28-11. I sure do miss the residents and the staff, I don't miss the non-stop work! As I reread previous entries I was amazed that I lasted so long. 24/7 is too much. Anyway, now I keep applying for different jobs, and not getting one. I applied for one I thought might be OK, then I thought no, then I got called for an interview and now I think I might actually like it. I'm gunna keep my mouth shut until I hear.

My Gavin, or Pablo as he now wants to be known, will be 11 on the 12th. I sure miss the Stouts. I miss seeing the boys as they grow, I hate not being a part of these years and I have absolutely no idea why Russell doesn't feel the same way. I love our home too but I want to get to be nearer more often, to have a place of our own there so we can come and go as we'd like without getting in their hair. I'm trying to be patient...

Not having a job is weird. I enjoy the free time, I'm sure not used to that! I've enjoyed hanging with Russell and getting to do stuff together. I fight rejection SO BAD! I thought/think I'm a good nurse, I've done phone interviews and yet, it's been over a month and no job. I know the economy stinks but still... I am a nurse! I guess I don't wait well. I'm learning not to buy everything I think I might want, not to just hop in the car and go for no good reason and the freezer and cabinets are getting used up. Thank God! I was starting to look like my mother that way! I am the condiment queen though, for pete sake I've got so many! and I love looking at and buying them! I did clean them all out though... ok, some of them (just in case Lani ever reads this!).

Still waiting...

Liability

Oh my! Why does this word have to be a part of my life?!?!?! I hate that we have deteriorated so badly in our world that we worry more about the risk involved in a situation rather than the life! Who am I to be judge over what someone should want to do during their lifetime?

I pray that I always find it in my heart to do what is good and right, that I can overcome any fear of liability and CARE! For pete sake is that not what we are here for??? LOVE your neighbor as you love yourself... there it is again, is that it? Did we forget to love ourselves? Oh, yeah, we're indulgent but do we see ourselves as loved, blessed, worthy of love? Is that the issue?

Wow, we have strayed so far from what Father intended for us as people! We're more into ritual rather than relationship, appearances rather than heart! So what's my role? Big sigh! To love and be loved! What a daunting task! I think I'm getting the loved part, Father help me to get the "to love" part!

I so love what I get to do with my life! To advocate for people is huge! It is so frustrating at times but wow, to get to be a part of encouraging someone, making their life just a bit richer... I just gotta keep remembering that I also need to love me!

Okay, blogging is cathartic! BIG woo hoo here! I'm so fortunate, I sit on my porch with the breeze blowing, my puppy at my feet and a cup of coffee and know that life is good, God is great and I'm truly loving the journey that I am on, it's just a hard one! What doesn't kill me is making me stronger! HA!

TTFN, gotta get ready to face the day, but first I have a dog to play with and wash, he stinks!

Disaster

What a crazy couple of days! There have been several people in my life who seem like they are having problems and everything they do and anything I might do (and in some cases have to say) only serve to make their situation worse. Unfortunately it is truly my JOB to see to their safety and well being and right now I'm nothing but a nasty bitch. Everything this person is doing is causing the situation to deteriorate... why do people do this? It seems that they get on a merry go round of destruction that just goes faster and faster. I have two people in my life on that awful downward spiral. I remember getting like that and it's SO hard to make it stop! It has to be by conscious effort! I want to know how to disarm this kind of thing, to see it on the horizon and help it be avoided.

I also have had two conversations with one of the most negative, nastiest people I have encountered. I've had to work hard not to become angered and give back what I am getting. Fortunate for me I have been well versed in the subject in question. It's been a great exercise in keeping my composure and keeping my personal opinions to myself.

Then there are my personal disasters with Russell's health, Mom's health and Val's health... BIG sigh! How will I take those issues? I've had to exercise keeping my mouth shut and my opinions to myself, keep my faith set on "high" and be patient! Why do I bother to blog this? I really don't know. I'm not certain that it helps anyone but me... I don't think that's wrong.

Russell will be going to visit the Stouts on 4/21, just days away and I get to go the end of May taking Mom to see 5 of her 6 great grandkids, two of whom she has never met! Hopefully she will be feeling better by then, after another heart cath. I so want to be a good daughter to her... she doesn't make it easy, I'm constantly at arms length. AND on 5/28 I will do my first 5K... haven't begun to train yet... Helen Bogus offered to train with me. Do I want that? Do I need it? Does she? Will it help? Will it hurt? I have no clue... we'll see by and by! With that, I say bye-bye for now!!!

Waiting for a storm

The local news interrupted network programming this morning to warn of severe storms. I remember times in my life of waiting for a "severe storm" that was looming on the horizon or worse, that suddenly slammed into my life. I waited, and waited, and waited some more. Finally I've learned, the storm does eventually pass, I've gone thru I'm not stuck in, that storm. In the end I have either learned how to better prepare for the next storm, gotten stronger and more able to withstand the storm or I remember the horror, fearful of the next storm! I get to pick which of these I will do!

It's gunna be a great day, I just decided! You do the same, okay?!?!

Inspections

Wow, we had an inspection at Balmoral yesterday. After quickly getting thru that inspection with zero deficiencies we move to another place in our quest to improve what we can do in our community. Anyone who knows Medicaid knows that you don't make much money that way but, our owners see fit to give back to our community. I feel fortunate to work for such a company.

After many days of preparation it's all over. A relief? Sort of , now the work of continuing in excellence! Isn't that how life should be? Continually striving for more? Some retire in their 50's, me? I pursue a different area in nursing! Bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that Your hand might be with me, that You would keep me from evil that I might not cause pain. CAN I? Some of me screams NO, don't make me!!! The rest of me can't help but move on, try for more, to grow.

Because my coworkers are younger, much younger in many cases I feel younger! So yes, stretch! I don't always love it but I feel better most of the time... it's okay once in a while to go UGH! Growing old is not for sissies! If I'm going to keep up with the younger ones I've got to work hard. I'm working out again at least a couple of days a week, I'm trying to make myself do a 5K in May, I know I can quickly walk it but I don't want to just walk! I want to be healthy and happy as possible all the days of my life and that is a choice I make daily by watching what I eat, what I do and what I think! The battle is between my ears and I intend to win! I'd like to take others with me, to promote health not just symptom cover up!